And Here's the Part Where I Jinx Us

I was afraid to celebrate too soon and jinx us but now that it's been two days in a row I'm going to chance it.

We have had 2 - count them TWO - accident free potty training days in a row!  There is light at the end of the toilet - er, tunnel!

We have been taking the long, slow approach to potty training. I know there are plenty of experts who tout the 3 day method for potty training but we are going with the 3 month (plus maybe a few more) plan. Much like the (non)sleep-training approach we took.  

Read: The Lazy Method. 

BUT...

It appears to be working!  The non-sleep-training thing also worked for us so we will go with it. Essentially the lazy method is to ease into things and not push anything too fast and go with instincts (or sometimes with whatever is just easier in the moment). For us it has minimized crying and in the case of potty training accidents.  I know this might not work with all kids so as with anything parenting or child related it isn't universal but things seem to be looking up for having a potty trained kid at (or around, we aren't pushing remember) his third birthday.  

And once I stop high-fiving myself, I'll go pick FrenchFry up from daycare to get the news that he had 15 accidents and refused to go near the potty today.  Because parenting is usually a one step forward, half a step back process. 

But for right now- we are accident free for two whole days! We will take it. 

:)

How did you approach potty training?  Was it the same for each of your kids if you have more than one?  

There Is Always Someone...

FrenchFry and his dad after a night in the ER.

A few nights ago, FrenchFry (2.5 year old) fell and landed with his mouth on a small wooden table.  There was a horrible, horrible sound and then the silence of a kid in shock and pain before the loud screams and cries.  I held him as his mouth filled with blood and we immediately knew this was a bad one and that his teeth were likely damaged.  After just a few moments of holding him, we jumped in the car and drove the excruciatingly long drive to the Children's Hospital.  (Why do we not live closer to the hospital?!)

By the time we got there he was mostly calm and watching videos on my phone.  The bleeding had stopped and he would only cry intermittently. We saw the ER doctor who couldn't find any damage to his mouth except for the clearly bent back front teeth.  She consulted with the on call dentist and we had an appointment for the next day at the dental clinic.

That night we had FrenchFry sleep in our bed so we could stay close and monitor him.  He woke up moaning a few times and we gave him some Tylenol.  The next day I stayed home with him and we cuddled on the couch and he watched way more TV than I'd care to admit while I took care of some work before his appointment.

Holding hands while he watches Umizoomi and I get some work done.

The dentist appointment was more traumatic than the actual ER visit for both FrenchFry and us.  He screamed through the exam and then had to get x-rays and since I'm pregnant I couldn't be in there with him. I feel bad for the other kids in the waiting room having to listen to him scream bloody murder for ten minutes.  Not exactly a great introduction into going to the dentist.  And then the dentist came back with our "two options:" either pull both his front teeth right then and there or wait a week and most certainly have to pull them then.

That's the point when I lost it.  I know they are only baby teeth but the news that they wanted to pull them was shocking.  I said no way to pulling them onsite, asked a few more questions and we left with an appointment set up for ten days later.  I've since come to terms with the idea that they may need to remove his teeth and it will be okay, but in the meantime we are also going to get a second opinion just to make sure it's really necessary.

So it's been a rough couple of days in the Ketchup house... but through it all and certainly now that we've had some time to see that he is going to be okay and to adjust to the possibility of losing the teeth, I know that it could have been way worse.   It can always be worse.

It was scary and hard, and it is sad to see his swollen little face right now, but he is okay.  There are parents who go through much worse with their kids.  And there are people who have tried to become parents and would give anything to be in our shoes with a healthy, normal kid who is going to have some accidents in his life and at worse might be without his front teeth for a few more years than we expected.

It's good to remember that there is always someone who would love to have your bad days....
 

Quotes That Mean More Now That I'm A Parent

I started thinking  about some of my favorite quotes and sayings for Candid Cuddles Quote Linky from Cuddle Fairy and it made me think of a few quotes my parents used to say to me that mean so much more now that I'm a parent.

The one that stands out for me right now is:

Why yes, that IS butter covering my toddler.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.... And It's All Small Stuff!

 

My parents used to say this when I was a kid (I think my dad had a book by that name) and it has always been helpful to me.  It helps you keep things in perspective when things are going wrong or when you're having a bad day.  I know it was especially helpful for me as an angsty teen and early twenty-ish something, and I needed some perspective.  

And of course - it now comes in handy VERY often as a parent!  There are so many ups and downs as a parent, and life with a baby or toddler (and I can imagine older kids, tweens, teenagers...) is full of stressful stressful situations.  Sometimes it's easy to let the craziness get to you - particularly if you've had a bad day at work or have been cooped up with a cranky toddler all day.  The straw that breaks the camel's back is the soda your kid knocks over onto the new carpet or the "butter incident."

Sometimes your toddler gets his hands on the tub of butter and proceeds to grab handfuls of it like it's Playdoh and smear it all over himself, his high chair and the floor! (See photo above)  And it's okay.  It's small stuff.  Butter can be cleaned up (though you will still find it in the crevices of that chair for weeks) and clothes can be washed.  When things like that happen (because there are going to be countless examples) sometimes you just have to shake it off and laugh.  Because in the grand scheme of things these are small things and life is still full of those ups.  And it could always be worse...

It could have been poop!



If you want other useful, inspirational and/or funny quotes, check out the CandidCuddles quotes linky:

#candidcuddles

I Don't Want What the Other Moms Want for Mother's Day

This week I've seen a number of posts about what mother's "really want" for Mother's Day.  The themes are generally the same:

No cooking:

No Cleaning:

No Changing Diapers:

More Sleep:

And while I do want all of those things too, and part of me wants to relate to those posts and share them with gusto proclaiming "yeah - this is what we really want! Amirite ladies??!?"

I just can't.

Why? Because my  my husband already does these things.

He cooks and cleans more than I do. He probably does 70% of the housework to my 30%.   (Okay - it's really 80/20) And while I haven't actually kept count on a macro scale my husband has most likely changed more dirty diapers than I have to date as well.  (I  do keep track of whose turn it is during any given day - don't we all?)  Plus he gets up with FrenchFry and lets me sleep in well past what most would think a reasonable hour at least one morning each weekend.  Often he will take FrenchFry for a long walk or to the grocery store so I can get up and spend time on the computer in peace while drinking my first cup of coffee too.  And speaking of the grocery store - I barely see the inside of one as he does the bulk of the shopping for the family as well. 

I'm living the dream, Folks.  Every day is Mother's Day for me.

Or at least, every day is the day that all of these posts are saying that moms want for Mother's Day.  It doesn't mean my life is all sunshine and rainbows and that it's not still hard to be a mom even with a husband who does so much.  Being a parent is hard no matter how much of the housework/diapering/cooking you do.  I still need acknowledgement this Sunday and maybe a little pampering or time for that "self care" I'm supposed to be doing.

And this may just be me justifying how unbalanced those things can be in our house but I do work longer hours than my husband (we both work full time).  Even after working late, it's a common occurrence for me to have to log onto my work computer after FrenchFry goes to bed a few nights a week (and on the weekends).  Plus I am the one that keeps the lights on and makes sure we have insurance and bills paid because I take care of our household paperwork and finances. 

I've also been giving myself (quite literally) in other ways that my husband has not with pregnancy and then nursing combined for three years now.  And because I was breastfeeding, I did the lion's share of the nighttime parenting - getting up with FrenchFry every night for two years.  (My husband did get up plenty those first months as well but at a certain point it made sense for me to get up solo for nighttime feedings.) And I also know there are things that I give to my son - things that I feel are very important like a strong show of patience, empathy and understanding.  My husband is also a wonderful, caring and responsive parent, but we show empathy in different ways. 

I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and all that he does for me and our little family.  I do think we balance each other out, and while there are ways in which he carries a heavier load than me, there are ways in which I believe I do as well.  Based on the posts I'm seeing this week, there are still many mothers out there who may still be taking on a greater load of the household and parenting than they would like.  

Maybe there is balance in those relationships too and the lists of the things that moms don't want this Sunday doesn't mean that those moms are stuck with more of the household and parenting necessarily.  Maybe we all just need a break from these things from time to time and Mother's Day is a good day to ask for that.  Though from talking to people and just the sheer volume of those types of posts - it makes me suspect that there is still a lot of imbalance out there.  I don't suspect we will see tons of posts from men asking for the day off from cooking, cleaning and diapering next month of Father's Day.  It's just a hunch.

A guy at work recently told me - after I threatened to explain to him with full detail on what pumping at work is all about and why YES, we do need a room dedicated for that in our offices - that he told his wife that he'd get involved once each of his kids turned two and a half.  Until that point, they were all hers.  And while he's clearly on the total asshat end of the spectrum when it comes to supportive husbands and fathers it is stories like this that make me thank my lucky stars for my partner in this whole parenting thing.

Mother's Day gets a lot of attention and drives a lot of commerce but based on the numerous posts I've seen recently, it seems like there is still a lot of work to be done to support and share the load for many mothers throughout the year. 

And for me, I'll just take some quality time with my family and my own mother to celebrate Mother's Day.  And maybe some chocolate.  :-)

Sleep... Glorious Sleep. Are We Ready To Give it Up So Soon?

FrenchFry (2 year old) has now slept through the night in his own toddler bed for enough nights in a row that I feel like I can publicize this without jinxing it.  Of course with that sentence I've probably just guaranteed myself at least a few rough nights, but I'm willing to take the chance.  (Dangerous words of an overly confident mom.)

Sleep... glorious sleep.

Two years ago my instincts told me to get up with my son (4 months old at the time) with each cry.  It was around 2 months old that I stopped getting up with each tiny whimper but, anything beyond that, I continued to get up to check on him and comfort him.  That usually meant nursing him for 45 minutes to an hour for the first year, though eventually that became just 30, then 15, then 5 minutes of nursing and he was back to sleep.  It's hard to remember specifics because life with an infant can be  especially blurry when trying to remember the haze of middle of the night parenting.

I know I began the process of night weaning him about 2 and a half months ago because I wrote about it here.  And I was feeling pretty confident when I wrote this a few weeks ago to let other parents know that you won't ruin them forever if you nurse, rock, etc. to sleep.  And now here we are - FrenchFry sleeps in his bed all night long and I got there without having to follow any "methods."

Instead... I just followed my instincts.

Through the last 2.25 years I have second guessed myself a lot when it came to FrenchFry's sleep.  In my heart I always felt that if I waited long enough, eventually he would be sleeping through the night and in his own bed.  And guess what?  It actually worked!  I wish I could go back to the me of 2 years ago - the first time mom of a 4 month old - and let her know that she doesn't have to doubt herself and it is going to work out like she thinks and hopes it will and take away the kernel of doubt that was always there... especially when the advice of the "experts" seemed to contradict my own instincts and approach.

Someone ALWAYS has their advice... sigh.

As my husband and I think about whether or not we are ready to try for another child, I know one of his biggest concerns is going back to that really hard place of having a newborn... to sleepless nights and a crying infant.  But I really think this time will be different.  I mean, I KNOW it will be different because every child is different but also because WE are different now.  We know how things can turn out.  We've been through to the other side and we have seen that you can (and will) get there one day.

One of the hardest things about those sleepless nights is that you don't know if you're going to get through it.  You don't know if you are ruining them for ever (spoiler alert: you're not)... especially when you hear advice from friends, coworkers, strangers, the Internet that tell you that you are doing it wrong. That the choices you are making will keep your child from ever sleeping through the night or in their own bed.  That they will never be able to fall asleep on their own (presumably there are millions of adults out there right now who can't fall asleep unless their roommates or spouses rock them to sleep because their parents did that for them as infants and toddlers).

I'm sure if we do have another child and I'm up at 3am (after having been up at 11pm and 1am as well) and at my wit's end I will remember how naive I was to think that the worst part was the not knowing... when the worst part is probably the torturous lack of sleep and the feeling of helplessness in the moment.  But I suspect that maybe next time will be different.  That I can cling to the fact that things did get better with FrenchFry so they are likely to do the same with the next child. 

Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself so I feel ready to make the plunge into having another child.  In some ways it seems like this new development of actually getting consistent sleep is the best reason not to jump into life with a newborn again!  Maybe it's just like getting a tattoo or giving birth where you forget what it was really like once you get far enough from it.

Or maybe it really will be different next time.

Are these well rested parents ready to give that up so soon?

If you're still in the trenches with infant sleep - just remember that it's okay to trust your instincts because it can and will get better!  

If you have had more than one child, did it get easier the second time around? 

Am I on Candid Camera?

So I was in CVS with FrenchFry (2 year old) today and the chain of events that occurred made me feel like I was in a poorly written sitcom about the follies of mothering young children.  That or I was on a cleverly staged episode of Candid Camera and they somehow got my 2 year old to follow the script perfectly.

First, FrenchFry decided to tell me "these are for you, Momma!"

"New! Just for Bladder Leaks!"

The irony was not lost on me that the majority of women who need the "Always Discreet" (just for bladder leaks) probably do so because of birthing their own little jerk - I mean child.

He proceeded to pull items off the shelf, as two year-olds tend to do.  I know that he lives in a world where everything around him is controlled by others and frequently he is met with the word "no" so I try to give him some freedom where I can.  One place I do that is that I usually let him play and pull items off the shelf as long as he isn't touching anything dangerous or breakable, or making a big mess.  I do require him to put it all back so he learns that he does have to leave things as they were and clean up after himself.

So he pulled off a few boxes of band-aids and then threw them on the ground, which is where I draw the line on poor toddler behavior and decided it was time to have a little positive ("connection based") discussion with him.  I started to talk to him about needing to be careful with things that don't belong to us and that he needed to pick them up and put them back.

Which he responded to by.... kicking them across the aisle.

<Sigh>

At this point my patience was just starting to get tested, which apparently he could pick up on because he decided to kick it up a notch and run away from me down the aisle.  I more sternly ask him to stop and come back to help me pick up the band-aids.  He turned around and (with a twinkle in his eye - I swear I saw it) he started running back towards me and right into the display of bladder leak pads like a line backer on Sundays in the Fall.

Is this really happening?

He continued running... now with a full on giggle.  He was so proud of himself, and I was just stunned.  I couldn't do anything except stand there and laugh.  And take a photo of course because I wasn't sure anyone would believe that this was actually happening.  This was also the point I started to look around and make sure that I wasn't on a bad reality TV show and didn't know it.

I think because I was laughing and scooped him up (before he got away) he got out of defiant toddler mode and really looked at me.  I didn't get upset and I didn't have to - I smiled and asked him to help me pick it all up and he did.  He even picked up the band-aids and helped put them back on the shelf.

The rest of the trip in the store was uneventful and we were able to check out without destroying any more displays or more veiled insinuations about my continence.

Have you ever felt like you were on Candid Camera or were in a bad sitcom because of your child?  

How did you handle it?

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