Like most (all) moms, I am bombarded with messages from all over, particularly on the Internet that put pressure on me and make me question my choices and even my non-choices as a parent, specifically as a mom. Put your kids first, put your marriage first, put yourself first... put work first and lean in. I want to lean in- I really, really do but then sometimes I'm not even sure I know what it means. When I lean into one part of my life it feels like another suffers and the past two years have been the most stressful - but also the most amazing and wonderful - of my life.
It's hard not to get sucked into all of the expectations and the conflicting advice. Heck - a lot of it doens't come in the form of advice - it's much more judgemental than that.
A lot of times I feel like I'm not either too far one direction or not far enough. Like when I feel almost embarrassed to tell people I work with or meet that I still breastfeed my toddler and feel too radical hippie-like or on the flip side when I feel guilty for ever turning him down for momma milk or make any efforts at gently weaning him and don't feel like I'm "attachment parent" enough. It's hard to ever feel "enough." I'm just a mom, trying to do the best that I can and making the choices that feel right to me - for me and my son.
Recently I became acquainted with this quote by Alan Watts:
"To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float."
|Me and my FrenchFry|