Sunday, November 22, 2015

You Don't Get to Decide

I'm linking up with #CandidCuddles quote linky this week.  Check out the other great posts here:

Cuddle Fairy

FrenchFry, my soon to be 3 year old, has been surprisingly (to me at least) sensitive and in tune with other people's emotions from a young age.  He often asks you if you are okay if you are sad or frustrated and is quick to offer an apology or a hug if he hurts you unintentionally. 

Even though I do my best not to tell him "you're okay" when he's hurt or sad and let him tell me when he is actually okay, sometimes he will say "no, you are okay" or "I didn't hurt you."  I recently found myself telling him that he doesn't say whether or not he hurt me, that only I can say if I was hurt or not.  When I said it to FrenchFry I was talking about physical hurt and then I saw this quote:

It made me think that the lesson I was trying to teach FrenchFry is a really important one that is very easy for us to forget as adults too.  People are allowed to have their feelings and sometimes we hurt or upset them without intending to do so.  Instead of trying to justify our own actions or downplay their feelings, we need to remember that they get to decide how they feel.  It's okay for us to explain our own intentions but never to undermine or try to takeaway from what it is they have experienced.

Seeing this quote so soon after talking to FrenchFry about something similar was perfect timing and will help me to keep this lesson going for him... and for myself.  It's a good reminder that just because we have good intentions doesn't mean we won't hurt someone else and each of us have the right to our own experiences and feelings.


  1. What a spot on quote. You are right. Sometimes if someone says we have upset or hurt them, we should just listen and acknowledge it rather than trying to justify our actions that led to that person feeling upset.

  2. That quote is right on! That's a great thing to teach your child. A lot of adults could do with learning that lesson too. ;) Thanks for linking up hun, it's lovely to have you back! x